As you are by now well aware, I have been drafting this letter to you for quite some time now.
My experience up north was so pathetic and disappointing it shocked me deeply. I had never seen a metamorphosis so unattractive in my life.
This guy was one of the most charismatic, fun, smart and nice people you would ever meet. He’s one of those guys that seemingly has everything going for them. Smart, interested in the world, speaks Spanish, women love him and men love him, but for some reason in the years elapsed since Mexico, he hasn’t worked, studied or quite frankly… done anything.
It has taken him 5+ years to get through half of his 3 year undergrad. He is now, to my extreme disappointment, both as fragile to break as he is boring.
He would blame his problems on a drug addiction while sucking on a weed vape across the table from me over breakfast. This guy used to be able to talk about anything, but now, as soon as I tried talking about anything serious dark curtains pulled in front of his eyes and he became the most boring shell of his former self.
Now, addiction is extremely complex… obviously. I am not going to get into that here on this post for the sake of time. I think addiction goes far deeper than simply a question of willpower.
If you are interested dear reader, find my deliberations on addiction here.
Don’t get ahead of yourself. I am not drawing a straight line comparison between you and this guy.
Despite the fact you both chop through about $200 plus of weed per week there is a clearly narrow but nonetheless very deep difference between the two of you. For you, it seems as if your weed consumption does not interfere with your professional life. Whereas it has completely stifled his.
Now, just as an aside, I would argue that it certainly does effect your professional life, however in your case it’s not so obvious. You have a fucking sick job, which you enjoy, that also pays you well. So few people in history have gotten to say that about their occupation. Good on you for that, I’m really proud of you and think what you achieved professionally is amazing. But does this mean you are making the most of it? How much more could you be doing?
This is partly the message I want to leave with you. Take an objective look at how much weed inhibits your productivity.
Actions speak louder than words and weed affects your professional life because despite you talking about ambition, I don’t see it on you. How many opportunities have you let slip through the cracks because you were too baked to get on with them? You can never know! That is the thing about serendipity. You cannot know how many opportunities of life you let pass you by. You are never even there to give them a chance!
Just follow the logic. Weed gets you baked, and unless you’re a terrific artist, no one does anything when they’re baked. So for you, every moment you spend high, is a moment where your life simply stands still.
Think back to memorable interactions we’ve had in the 6 months I have been back home. For the first few months I couldn’t understand why you were so quiet all the time. I thought it was perhaps because you didn’t feel comfortable in the house. It wasn’t until it was pointed out to me I realised why you were so quiet. Turns out you were balls deep in cones 90% of the time!
What’s the point of me writing this to you anyway? A superficial letter like this is clearly not a solution. Whatever effect it has is, I realise, likely fleeting. But for me I think it’s more of a case of not leaving things unsaid.
I want you to know how pathetic and wasteful your weed addiction is.
Friends should be expected to judge and comment on their friends behaviour. Especially when it’s bad and especially when it’s good. I’m not sure how many people have expressed any real concern for you. I doubt your Mum, Sister or Stepfather know how much you smoke. I am sure your colleagues are ignorant of your addiction. The only real people who know how powerful an addiction you have is us. it’s me and about ten other blokes. And I know none of them are considering your problem as seriously as I am. I wonder how much actual concern is expressed for you. Because you have a good job, and because you don’t sound like a stoner I think you get away with judgment. As you will see later, if you had this abusive addiction towards any other substance everyone around you would be ringing your bell. Weed can be a subtle addiction, but nonetheless damaging.
I don’t understand your experience and what you have been through. I wonder how much you attribute your weed addiction to your experience with your Father, Aunt and Brother? I don’t want to even pretend to understand the complexity there. All I can say is I sympathise, and no matter what you’ve gone through suppressing your feelings rather than facing them is the wrong path.
It is clear that you cannot engage most people around you seriously about a major concern you have. Perhaps you feel like you cannot engage your Mother, Sister or Step Father either. I know what it’s like to feel like there is literally noone in the world who could be bothered listening to your problems or feelings.
Allow me to suggest, that if the primary reason for your drug abuse is using it as a coping mechanism to manage your emotional trauma then really the best way forward is too talk to a psychologist. (but they cost so much)… yes I hear you. But how much money do you pissss away every week smoking weed? You can afford it. And if not, your Mother can afford it. Consider this.
You said that not really loving the environment of the house is a big factor for getting blazed every night. I can totally sympathise with that. Towards the end of Amsterdam when I had realised these people I spent so much time with were not actually going to be my life long friends I started only seeing them when I was boozed. I didn’t care much to spend sober hours with them.
But at the end of the day (unpopular opinion) I believe each individual is responsible for their destiny. You are what you make of yourself, all the good and all the bad.
How many hours have you spent in a blaze over the last 6 months? I did the guestimate maths.
Being very generous I said 3 hours on a weekday and then 8 hours on a weekend. In total that amounts to 961hours or just over 40 days…. and that is being generous with the estimations.
(31weeks x 5weekdays x 3hours .465. + 31weeks x 2weekend x 8hours .496… 465+496 = 961)
Bro, if I was drunk just a quarter of that time everyone around me would be clipping my ears.
You can be more subtle with weed. It doesn’t affect your body, brain and liver like booze does. But it affects your productivity and experience just as much. How many moments of serendipity have you let by the wayside because you were too baked on the couch? Like I said earlier, it’s impossible to know.
You should be dripping in women. You should be taking on sick opportunities with your job. You should have travelled more. You should be in Canada already! Opportunity never came to those who waited.
That is really where I am coming from here mate. I want what’s best for my mates. I am not writing all the boys letters or anything like that but I assert my nosy, rude, notwhatyouwannahear opinion with them all nonetheless.
I think if you demoted the role of weed in your life from a daily companion to a special occasion then that alone would completely change your life.
I cannot overstate just how boring and nihilistic getting high every day is, whether it be booze, weed or cocaine. I think it’s a pathetic escapism. Life is to be lived, not watched.
I am imposing what I want onto you. I get that. I am telling you what I think is best for you. These are my assertions and likely not compatible with yours.
We are all, quite simply and uniquely, nature + experiences. Like I said to you the other day, your specific experiences with your family have taught and moulded you a heightened sensitivity to empathy.
I feel lonely because no matter where I go or where I look, I can’t really find people who truly get me. The older I get, the more friends and experiences I make the more I am coming to realise that perhaps both everyone wants this and noone has it.
Coming home now, after creating a life for myself abroad has taught me this lesson harder than before. The most important friendships you will make are those that have been around the longest. For me, it is these retards from highschool. For you, it seems the same. Friendships are relationships, and all good relationships are complex. The more complex your relationship the more you care about them than you realise.
We’ve known each other for many years and will likely know each other for many more. I think you are a terrific bloke and I have a huge respect for your character.
Just know that I really do care about you and want to see what’s best for you and I think it’s plainly obvious to both you and me that smoking cones seven days a week is the antithesis of what’s good for you. It’s pathetic and even at times, embarrassing.
I am sure that you yourself feel shame for smoking as much as you do and don’t need me coming in over the top adding to it. Breaking your addiction will be very difficult and it might not even be possible.
All I can say is I hope that you do do it.
Relegate the role of weed in your life from a daily certainty to a special occasion.
Lots of love. See you soon. Ryan xxxx